Sex Dolls

How many moons have you been stroking your Jimmy Johnson at this point? Five years? Ten years? Twenty years? One hundred years? Even more than that? It's been pretty fucking fantastic, hasn't it? But over that period, some elements of meat beating must get a bit bland.

Mixing Things Up

Don't mishear me. Playing pocket pool as a whole could never get bland, but you may get tired of the minutia. That's why you searched for a chap like me to broaden your porn-watching habits. You need a recess from the standard shit, and I assist you in doing so

As an example, you may be bored with the venue. If your circumstances already have you visiting Jill in different places, you might not even acknowledge that environment plays a role. However, anyone who has spent decades self-servicing his hard wang in the same location knows that surroundings can significantly affect pleasure.

Setting can also affect what position you fap in. Position is underappreciated. It has a massive effect on the quality of the outcome. Most guys never mix shit up. They pose in the same office chair or recline in the same bed, session after goddamn session. I need a nap just thinking about it.

With all the serious wanking I do, I can't waste time with sub-par strokes. (pun intended) I never give myself a round of applause in the same place twice a day. That might not seem exceptional to you, but with the number of times I jerk off in a day, it's a fucking feat. I'm giving myself a firm pat on the back as we speak.

While all those little details matter, men's major gripe regarding meat beating boredom concerns the hands. How many miles has your hand traveled up and down your cock over the years? I don't know about you, But it's hard to estimate for me, but if I had to guess, I'd say that my hand has gone to Mars and back more than a few times. If a municipality hooked my wrist to a kinetic generator, I could power a whole city.

It's a minuscule effect, but with each passing fap, the dong gets slightly more tired of the same old palm and fingers. That's not to say we don't respect all the difficult work hands put in for us. The length some creatures without hands and opposable thumbs must go through to choke the chicken is incredible. I couldn't imagine not being able to reach down and tug on my dick tip any time I wanted.

Dolphins and Headless Fish

Take the dolphin, for example. Dolphins are among the rare animals we've found in our world that fuck purely for amusement. As part of their enjoyment of boning, the males also jerk off. Clearly, they can't finagle their foreskin with those little fins, so they have to get innovative.

And get innovative they did get. Dolphins bite the head off of a fish and fuck the remaining corpse with their extendable red rockets. It's pretty remarkable to witness, honestly. I have to give them a fuck ton of credit for discovering that rather unique method of self-fornication. I wonder if the first dolphin to beat off in such a manner accidentally swam his red rocket into an already decapitated fish and thought, "Goddamn, that feels fucking awesome!"

While I don't recommend blowing loads into fish corpses, there are a lot of other ways to add variety to your solo nightlife. Where once your mitts were your only fapping option, now there is all type of tubes, boxes, and disarticulated genitalia for you to pound your penis into. There's no reason to use your fists to extract jizz from your balls in the twenty-first century. The opposable thumb is great and all, but why not put it to work, constructing the right tool for the job instead of being the right tool? It is tools that have made humanity so successful, after all.

Everything Starts Somewhere

Goober Chxly, the caveman, is considered by most specialists to have developed the first fuckable sex doll. He rolled up some twigs, grass, and mud to shove into the knothole of an old maple tree. After a few months of banging this tree, his cock became bruised, blistered, and broken, but Goober Chxly was a happy man. He needed time to let his devastated cock heal but didn’t want his knot hole to get lonely, so he started selling passes. For a fistful of nuts and berries, you could bone Mary the maple tree for ten minutes. Thus, a new business was born.

Fortunately, grass and dirt are no longer the cutting edges of technology. As you all know, my TSR (Tesla Sex Robot) is ordered but still under construction. Combining the latest Space X tech with military-grade hardware, upon its release, the TSR will be the most state-of-the-art fapping tool ever devised by man. Unfortunately, it won’t be done for another three to five years, so until that time arrives, the most lifelike sex doll experience you can have is with a doll purchased from Sex Dolls.

Just like Mary the maple tree and my TSR, the products on Sex Dolls attempt to replicate sex with a flesh and blood human. Although intercourse has always been their primary mission goal, many betas find more meaning with their dolls than just sexual. Some even become esteemed members of the household providing their owner with friendship along with plastic pussy.

The first true sex dolls were made out of latex, but silicone and, eventually, TPE became preferred as material science advanced. These days, dolls can be articulated, heated, and made to speak. Even the skeletons have become stronger over the years, letting some models stand up independently. Honestly, mine spends most of its time on its back; feel me?

However, I'm not here to talk about just any dolls. I'm here to talk about anime and hentai dolls. Personally, I think the two make a perfect combo. The cartoonish nature of anime translates perfectly to the shit sex dolls are made from. Plus, they offer a whole new world of fantasy only hentai can provide.

The Nitty Gritty

Before we look at some of the products on Sex Dolls, let's check out the site. Sex Dolls has a classic online store aesthetic that's been used for years and years. It makes for an easy browsing experience. The main menu is up top and contains the options IG, Facebook, Twitter, Language selector, Currency type, Reviews, Contact, Frequently asked questions, Info, Home, In stock, Catalog, Doll types, Brands, Profile, Shopping cart, and Search bar.

Down the left side is a product filter to help you find your perfect plastic whore. The options are Dolls in stock, Brands, Doll weight (LBS), Doll weight (KG), Doll type, Doll height (FT), Doll height (CM), Cup size, Breast size, Price, Body type, and Hair color.

Tits, Hips, and Dreams

As you peruse the different products on Sex Dolls, you'll notice a few qualities the site specializes in. The first is enormous tits. These bitches are more than well-endowed. They make well-endowed women look like the itty bitty titty committee.

If you slapped those tits on some poor young woman, her life would be ruined. She'd never be able to stand again. People would call her wheelchair tits. Laying on her back would be totally out of the question. She'd suffocate under the weight of her own mammary glands.

The second is absurd waist-to-hip ratios. Some of these models of hips three times as wide as the waist. They look like Victorian-era bitches with a corset on, minus the corset. For a bitch to look like this in real life, she'd have to remove a few ribs and wear a belt reinforced with a high-grade titanium alloy. They don't fuck around.

What's nice about the hips is the amount of leverage you can get while fucking a cunt. There's no way she's escaping. Not that she could anyway. The bitch is inanimate. That's the only reason she's letting you fuck her.

The third is customization. You can turn these cunts into whatever you want them to be. You can even add cocks, hanging hooks, silicone foot care socks, pre-lubed pussy inserts, and clothing of all types. For once in your life, you can finally fuck your dream girl. Don't waste the opportunity.

The only thing Sex Dolls is missing is some informational videos. They could even provide a tutorial. My readers are pretty fucking retarded. I don't want them lopping their cocks off because the direction booklet was unclear.

It's unlikely you fucks will ever feel the gentle caress of a woman's vaginal walls. Don't even bother. Instead, Buy yourself a woman that can't say no on Sex Dolls.

PORNDUDE LOVES

+Incredible selection

+Fat asses and giant tits

+Customizable

PORNDUDE HATES

-Needs training videos