It’s a Game with Cats in It

Also known as Cat’s Paradise – that’s what that Japanese translates to. This is a game for cat lovers. No not those kinds of cat lovers, the other kind. The ones with hard-ons. Cat girls abound. The two most important ones are called Chocolate and Vanilla. Sorry, Chocola. I guess it sounded more feminine that way. These cat girls are basically house slaves and they refuse to leave your side. In this game you play as a young man who is basically hounded by two cat girls. They don’t wanna fuck off. They want you to open a restaurant together. Why? Because Japanese hentai novels need an excuse to peddle sex scenes and the backdrop in this case is a restaurant. You don’t sell cum cakes. Don’t worry. It’s not that kind of locale. It’s a perfectly dignified restaurant in which you’re going to plow a lot of cat girls. The first two being your house slaves.

Despite the countless possible human rights violations, this game rounds off pretty well. Besides, you can’t make the argument that cat girls are by default privy to human rights. There’s no legal precedent. Besides, they want to live with you. It’s not like you’re forcing them. Hell, if anything you’re a victim of their desires. So, it’s kind of like owning two real cats, except there’s also sex and breast and hot pussy. I don’t know how the whole cat trend thing started. It doesn’t seem intuitive. I’ve never looked at a cat and thought: Yeah, boner city. Then again, I never found anything furry to be even remotely attractive. These girls are only furry on top, though, across their cat ears. Everything else is cookie cutter pussy.

A Long Cat Girl Legacy

This game is part of a long running Japanese series that started off as an adult novel. Like most things Japanese, it had to be a manga first. It’s one of those pieces that’s been going platinum in sales time and time again and eventually they had to make a damn video game out of it. There are two versions of this game. One has pussy, the other one is not worth playing. Look, if you find cat girls so wildly irresistible and cute that you want to hang out with them in a digital setting, by all means play the damn Steam version and run your own restaurant. This doesn’t work very well for me, because the game is a visual novel with no choices what so ever. You don’t get any gameplay. It’s just two women babbling on about nonsense.

They’re significantly more interesting than the average woman, and of course they’re submissive and breedable, but for fuck’s sakes, I’m tired of this passive trend of just standing around while women speak nonsense at me. It’s kind of like I’m the NPC and they’re the characters. They make all the decisions and I just sort of sit there with my dick in my hands. Or, if I’m playing the uncensored version, I’d assume I’m holding some sort of wax figurine in my hands instead. Weebs confuse the hell out of me. I get the part where you people masturbate to drawn pussy. I’ve been known to goon around with the drawn babes. But, my God, why cat girl dating with no sex scenes? That’s just depraved.

Zero Control

I’m not done bitching and moaning. Beyond the story time gameplay that has you sitting there for narrative, there are sex scenes, in the adult version, that I personally consider… great, actually. They’re hot. You can see them in the screenshots. They’re really good sex scenes. You can fap to them just fine. It’s really not that difficult. My problem with the sex scenes is that they’re kind of short. I mean, in terms of how much content you actually get. This smut was made by hentai artists who drew 2D stills for the action and that’s that. That’s all you get. They bitch and moan about shit while you’re fucking them which just adds to my frustration. Sometimes they say nice things like “licky master’s cock” and “yum”, but other times they have full blown conversations while I’m dicking them.

Either I’m not satisfying them properly or cat girls don’t keep their G-spot where I’m used to finding it. I wish this game let me pick the actual sex scenes at least or give me some sort of input on where I want to stick my dick. Instead I just get this hentai slide show interspersed with bullshit storylines that seem like they were written for kids. That’s the thing that confuses me more than anything. Who is this game made for? Who is the target demo?

Seems Cringe, Bro

All the humor and writing in this game is well written, but clearly aimed at minors. Or, it’s for adults who think like minors, which is just plain disgusting. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll do a daddy kink with the babes I bang once in a while, if it’s their thing, but a long running video game in which all the female characters talk like children even though they’re adult women? Why? Why can’t they sex me up good and proper like the adult babes they are? This game seems to appeal to some depraved modern weeb fantasy of women who are so submissive they’re basically animal slaves – I mean… they’re cat girls, I should have expected this.

If they were really drawing inspiration from real life cats, couldn’t they just as easily have adopted some of the arrogant traits of felines, like the sharp claws, the tendency to scratch and bite, hell, the annoying-ass hissing and their predatory nature. Cougars are also cats, for fuck’s sakes. This game could have had violent cougars who pounce on you and take you for every last drop of cum. No such luck, my boy. It’s all very timid and childlike, but with 20 to 40-year-old tits. Some of them are too massive for life. No complaints, they’re suckable. I just wish the women they were attached to would shut the fuck up long enough for me to focus.

Undeniable Quality of Art

I might be pissy about the general gameplay and story approach, but there’s no doubt that Nekopara is on the tippy-top of high quality hentai art. The hentai game community seems to agree. This game is just bursting with visual quality. Even the damn backdrops left me in awe. I can appreciate well drawn art, especially around the chest area. These breasts are unforgettable. What really kills the quality, though, is that blur-ass pixelated censorship of the genital tips. Not the entire genitals, mind you – just the tips. The cock tip is blurred, the pussy lips are blurred, but the nipples are fine, because the Japs don’t consider nipples to be sexual … or something.

It will never cease to amaze me how the Japs put out some of the most depraved smut on the internet, like inserting actual live animals into girls’ anuses – which is gross by the way. But, they censor pussies. It’s like they’re not at all afraid of the consequences of showing eels inside a girl’s asshole, but pussies? That’s going too far. Pussies are haram, or whatever the Japanese word for haram is. I checked. It’s

ハラム. It’s read as “haramu”. I don’t know what I expected.

Money Talks

This game is making mad bank over on Steam. It’s got overwhelmingly positive reviews, because the weeb army cannot be stopped. The game only costs around $10, which is technically a low price considering the amount of content you get with it, but that’s only for Volume 1. What’s Volume 1 you might ask? I don’t know, the game is chopped up so you have reason to spend more money. That one’s also $10. There’s even an option to buy the damn theme song, for $10. You can also get a digital art book… for $10. There’s even the option to pay … $10 for the smut from Volume 2. This is insane. $10 to get smut for a smut game that costs $10 already. I can’t tell if this is a sign of our inevitable capitalist apocalypse or if the Japs genuinely believe this is what video games are supposed to cost.

For the price of getting all of Nekopara you could buy two actual proper triple A titles and do your fapping on F95, for free, with like a thousand porn games that are hotter than this. Then again, what the fuck do I know? Weebs swear by this game and the reviews speak for themselves. Overwhelmingly positive, they say. One upside of Nekopara being really popular is that there are previews of every bit of the game online. You can literally watch the whole game if you want, before you commit to playing it. And, this is perfectly legal too. Funny. Try it, decide for yourself. I say it’s not worth it. Your call.

HentaiSites Likes Nekopara’s:

-         Art style

-         Extreme Quality

-         Voice acting

HentaiSites Dislikes Nekopara’s:

-         Zero gameplay

-         Underwhelming sex

-         Women won’t stop talking