Katawa Shoujo

Over the years, I've gone out of my way to suggest different ways my readers could get laid. I'm out here rooting for you fucks. I don't want you to be virgins forever. You deserve better than that. You deserve to feel the tender caress of pussy skin against your tiny wiggly willy.

Doing the Cock Lord's Work

However, the task of getting you fucks viable partners is not easy. You make it about as difficult as possible. First off, to say you motherfuckers aren't Edris Elba is a massive understatement. You're far closer to a Danny DeVito or William Dafoe type. Either way, you don't have bitches flocking to your doorstep.

Then there is the issue of you fucks never going outside. You prefer to sit around all day, rubbing and tugging your dainty dick and playing video games. It's not exactly a recipe for wet pussy. For one reason or another, women don't find that lifestyle appealing. I only guess as to why.

If you spent all day inside your mansion jerking off and playing video games, it would be a different story. No matter how ugly and useless you were, bitches would still spread eagle for you. That's simple math.

But instead, you lock yourself in your mother's basement because the rent is free. Grown men living with their rents dry pussy up faster than a blow drier. You can't fuck with your mom upstairs. It's way too embarrassing.

The sad part is, your mom wouldn't even be angry if she heard you fucking in her house. She'd be thrilled a woman gave you the light of day. She might even cheer you on from upstairs. What do you think turns a woman off more, mom busting in full of rage that you're disrespecting her space or her cheering you on from upstairs? I'll give you a hint. It's the cheering one hundred percent.

I've attempted to convince you to visit brothels, but most of you can't afford it. I'd think the prospect of pussy would be enough motivation to get you on the job hunt, but I don't think anything can motivate you. You'd rather just sit at home yanking your wang.

Eureka!

Then one day, it dawned on me. I finally figured out the perfect demographic to bang my readers. It took me some time, but my genius eventually prevailed. The answer was the retarded and physically disabled. Duh. Why hadn't I thought of it before? Only the unfuckable can fuck the unfuckable.

Victoria's Secret made it okay to fuck retards when they hired a swimsuit model with Down's syndrome. As I always say: If it's okay to jerk off to a bitch, it's okay to fuck her. Plus, the lady has some great tits. Admittedly her face is a bit chromosomey, but that shouldn't bother my readers. Most of you look chromosomey, also.

If you're a long-time reader of mine, then you know I've watched porn with retarded people in it before. The content was even written, filmed, and directed by tards starring in it. Who knew these fucks could be so slick.

If I had to guess, the people had either Down's syndrome or some extreme version of autism, but not so severe they couldn't film porn. As a result, the video got off to a rough start. The first half hour is a dude just cleaning behind his trailer. It's not the most thrilling thing ever put on camera, but I have to admit I couldn't look away.

Eventually, some bitch comes out of the trailer, and the two go to town outside. They fucked better than I thought they would, but I still didn't beat off to it. However, you guys should take advantage of retard porn to prep your selves when it comes time to do it yourself.

Let's not forget about the physically disabled. You fucks know how much I love a water-tight nugget. For the uninitiated, a water-tight nugget is a bitch with no arms or legs with a cock in every viable orifice. Now that's what I call porn.

Hobbled Pussy

Physical disabilities will be the day's theme because I found another way you bastards can prepare to fuck the infirmed. It's a little adult RPG I found called "Katawa Shoujo," which translates to "cripple girls" or "disability girls."

You play a young man named Hisao who recently suffered a tragic heart attack due to undiagnosed cardiac arrhythmia. After an extensive hospital stay, he is sent to a school for disabled children called Yamaku high school.

Hisao must come to terms with his new reality, get used to a new school, and make new friends. That's your job. The gameplay of "Katawa Shoujo" is choice and text-based. It is your job to ensure that Hisao makes the right decisions so he can thrive in his new environment. And by thrive, I mean fuck bitches.

The concept for "Katawa Shoujo" started with a simple drawing sketched all the way back in the year 2000 by doujinshi artist Raita Honjou. The illustration sat around for years before it was picked up by some perverts on 4Chan. We all know how quality the folks on 4Chan are.

Members of this 4Chan community passionately discussed the picture before creating their own gaming studio, Four Leaf Studios. Most of "Katawa Shoujo" is original, including art, sound, and animations.

Amputees, Burn Victims, and Blind cunts

Let's meet some of the characters in "Katawa Shoujo." There are five main bitches for you to choose from, each with their own storyline. You'll want to play this game more than once for the full experience.

First up, we have Emi Ibarazaki. She's 151 cm tall and weighs 41 kg. Despite her petite frame, she packs seventy-inch titties on her chest. For those who give a fuck, her hair is light brown, and her eyes are bright green.

So what's wrong with Emi? What's wrong is the bitch has no legs. Do you know what that means? She can't run away from you as most women do. Just kidding. The bitch is a track star on her blade legs. She'd be around the corner and into the abyss before you could pull your danger dong out.

Despite having no legs, Emi is one of the cheeriest ladies you'll ever meet. She always has a smile on her face. Do you want to give the bitch even more reasons to be happy by making her cum so hard she rusts her fake legs with pussy juice? Or do you want to give the bitch a reason to frown for once? The choice is yours.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have Hanako Ikezawa. Hanako's life has been cursed from the very beginning. She suffered a horrific tragedy when she was very young that left her in tatters. Then, just to rub salt in the wounds, her father died in a housefire that also severely burned Hanako, leaving her permanently disfigured.

Her disfigurment has made Hanako a recluse. She rarely speaks to others, preferring only the company of herself and her best friend, Lilly. Don't let Hanako's scarred appearance scare you. At least she required fire to be disfigured. You fuckers came out disfigured from the womb.

While we're on the subject, let's meet Hanako's best friend, Lilly Satou. Lilly Satou is the perfect woman for my readers, considering she has been blind from birth. It doesn't get better than that.

Bitches that go blind later in life would have attractive faces to compare you against. Lilly doesn't even have that. Your ugly Danny DeVito-looking ass could be Brad Pitt, for all she knows.

Lilly's caring spirit drives her to take the despondent Hanako under her wing in an almost mother-daughter-like relationship. If it weren't for Lilly, Hanako would be even worse off than she is.

Lilly is a focused student who enjoys spending afternoons drinking tea with her friend. She's even the class representative. Lilly and Hanako are my favorite ladies on "Katawa Shoujo," mainly because you can have a threesome with them.

As I'm sure, you can imagine, having a threesome with these two isn't easy. They prefer very different approaches. Hanako wants to be beaten and humiliated, while Lilly wants to be treated as a sex goddess. Do you have the skills to do both at once?

"Katawa Shoujo" is the perfect adult RPG to prepare my readers to fuck retarded and disabled bitches. These ladies are your best bet for getting laid without exchanging legal currency.

I don't have much to complain about on "Katawa Shoujo." They released a version of the game without the sex, which seems fucking stupid. Some critics have also claimed the game is full of poor dialog. You'll have to find out for yourself.

Gentlemen, start your engines. It's time to train that penis bone legless cunts.

PORNDUDE LOVES

+Perfect training for my readers

+Variety of disabilities

+Attractive characters

PORNDUDE HATES

-Released an alternate version without sex.