Animal Crossing Rule 34

It's easy to overlook that porn can be more than arousing. Usually, a man starting up his laptop to watch some titties has a plan in mind. That plan is to fap his diddly until it shoots out baby batter. It isn't fucking brain surgery.

Funny and Cummy

However, sometimes I watch porn to get a good chuckle, also. Parody porn has existed as long as porn has. The scenes often center around major movie releases and combine traditional porn with humor. There is nothing like incorporating the delights of laughter and jizzing.

Parodies aren't just for giggles. They can also make dreams come to life. Who hasn't been watching something and thought to themselves, "I wonder what it would be like to fuck that bitch?" That's what's running through my head ninety percent of the time I watch TV. It's actually a bit of a problem. I struggle to ever follow the plot.

Some fantasies are quite familiar. For example, take the character Harley Quinn from "Batman." Anyone who has ever read a Batman comic, watched a show or seen a movie has thought about tearing Harley Quinn's pussy to shreds. She is the ultimate sexy crazy cunt.

Let's not skip past video games. There isn't one video game player on this planet that doesn't want to fuck Lara Croft. Those polygonal breasts have inspired many erections over the last couple of decades. They may be a touch pointy, but I'd still titty fuck those right angles all night.

Neckless Neck

Cartoons don't evade getting the porno parody treatment, either. You might not want to accept it, but you've fantasized about fucking cartoons hundreds and hundreds of times. Perhaps even thousands. Who hasn't wondered if a Powerpuff Girl can give handjobs despite their lack of fingers? Can Cartman's mother from "South Park" give me neck despite not having one? Can Lisa from "The Simpsons" give me head without skewering me with her head? Porn parodies seek to answer these quandaries and many more.

One of the most widespread genres to parody is horror. I don't know about you bastards, but when that black-haired bitch from "The Ring" crawled out of her TV set, I hoped she would plop that pussy in my lap. She may be pale, greasy, and ghastly, but I bet she can ride a cock with the best of them.

For some reason, not all porn sites carry porn parody content. I can't imagine why. It's not necessarily the most popular genre in porn, but I still consider it an essential part of any balanced library.

The Horrors of War

I’ve seen every foul act that one individual can possibly do to another a million times over. There isn’t a single disgusting deed on this earth to which I haven't busted a fat nut. I’ve seen four Lebanese midgets doing cartwheels while they each have the leg of a folding chair jammed up their ass. How did they get the legs into their anuses, you ask? A simple task for a skilled circus conductor. All they had to do was stand on the step stool and hop on one foot. With each jump, the stool went just a bit deeper.

I’ve seen seven or eight three-armed Czechoslovakian prostitutes perform a musical version of the human centipede in a sex shop parking lot. Things got hairy when the head bitch chugged a bunch of prune juice and began dropping turds into the mouth of the cunt behind them. It's a good thing they were all armed with Hitachi wands. It was the only tool they had to distract themselves with.

That brings me to the subreddit Animal Crossing 34. As I'm sure you guessed, this subreddit is the home of Animal Crossing-related porn. I'm unsure who was asking for this to happen, but I wish they had kept their mouths shut. I didn't even know what the fuck Animal Crossing was until coming upon this subreddit.

What I'm concerned by is not the porn itself, but how many beta pussy fags play a game called animal crossing? You fucks don't have something better to do with your time? Manning the glory hole of a gay strip club, would be less faggy than playing fucking animal crossing.

Open the Front Door

Reddit has been correctly defined as the front door of the web. There isn’t a topic on the Devil's green earth that doesn’t have its own subreddit. Go ahead, try. Think of any arbitrary object or action and give it a search on Reddit. Not only will you find a subreddit, but you’ll also find dozens of them, and half will be porn.

The idea is pretty straightforward. It’s a news, content rating, and general conversation website where folks can post links, text, images, and videos to be voted upon by the multitudes. Posts that get more votes float to the head of the subreddit. If a post gets enough upvotes, it can end up on the main page. It’s that main page that feels like the front door of the internet.

Let me make that simple for my retarded readership. (AKA all of you) Reddit is broken into subdivisions based on the subject matter. Members post shit and other members vote on it. If members like your shit, it becomes more visible. It seems like such an easy concept, but it transformed the internet as we know it.

While definitely not purpose-built for porn, it might as well have been. I’ve always said that you can depend on your fellow masturbators to assist your hunt for great porn, and this is the ultimate representation of that.

Misplaced Passion

As you explore the Animal Crossing subreddit, you'll be shocked by how much effort people put into exotic Animal Crossing illustrations. For those like me who had no idea what the fuck this was, Animal Crossing is a farming video game made for children that apparently some grown men play.

From my basic understanding, the player starts as a fox or some shit that owes a capitalist raccoon a bunch of rent money. Your task is to sell vegetables and repay the forest-going loan shark.

What happened to men playing video games like Mortal Kombat. Are guys to pussy to rip the head and spine out of a bitch? How about all these war simulators. Can't men kill the enemy anymore?

I imagine if you're reading this article, you fall into one of two categories. A beta bitch who plays Animal Crossing or a beta furry enthusiast willing to jerk off to anything fuzzy. I suppose, either way, this animal crossing subreddit has what you need.

Role-Playing

Not only is Animal Crossing 34 full of drawings and gifs of characters fucking and getting fucked, it also has a thriving role-playing community. Just when I thought this shit couldn't get any worse, it did. Where are the porn Gods when you need some fire and brimstone?

As much as I hate to do this, I have to complement the creativity of some of these role players. They really get into it. The detail is incredible. If these fucks spent half the time writing novels they did writing Animal Crossing smut, they'd have written the next "Game of Thrones" already.

I've noticed a few things while wandering around Animal Crossing 34. First off, people really want to fuck this fox character. I can't tell if she's the player character or not, and I don't care to find out. Either way, as far as foxes go, she's kind of fuckable. If I had a gun to my head and had to fuck a fox, this bitch would be on the shortlist.

Second, no one can decide if the fox is a thick vixen, an athletic hard body, or a tiny teen. When I think fox, I think tiny teen, but that's just me. Regardless of what you prefer, you'll find plenty of it.

Third, people are unsure who might have penises or vaginas. There doesn't seem to be agreeance or standardization in the matter. However, one thing is for sure. They all have an asshole, and all love anal sex. That makes sense to me. If I had a dime for every time I saw two foxes having anal sex in my backyard, I'd be retired.

I'm disappointed to learn how many men play Animal Crossing, but at least they sexualize it. If they didn't do that, I'd be even more disturbed. Please don't tell me you beta fags are into Animal Crossing for the thrilling gameplay.

My only complaint about the Animal Crossing subreddit is that it exists. It's definitely a sign of the coming apocalypse.

I don't really know what to say at this point other than I'm glad I'm not you fucks, and have a nice day.

PORNDUDE LOVES

+As an alpha male, I can't say I like anything about this

+However, if you enjoy role-play, they have it

+Furry heaven

PORNDUDE HATES

-Everything