ULMF

Everyone loves to fuck, but it's not deemed a subject matter for courteous conversation. It's supposed to be quietly whispered about far away from snooping ears canals which may cast judgment and circulate gossip.

Fucking is the Essence of Life

That's poopy, though. Culture wants us to act like a significant facet of the human condition doesn't exist. What am I talking about? It's not just human life. It's a central facet of all life. We wouldn't be here without it. And by that, I mean not just on Earth but also not on the Porn Dude website.

Why do folks evade the issue? If civilization is a reflection of the inhabitants' ideals, then why have we made it so hard for ourselves to speak about a natural aspect of being alive?

Of course, religion has much to do with it. In a way, religion is the opposite of society. Where society is a mirror of the majority, religion is a tiny group of fuckers endeavoring to have a more powerful effect on civilization than they've earned.

We can't place the entire fault on religion, though. Individual people have insecurities that weasel their way into the culture at large. Fear of rejection is high on that list. My fans should be as acquainted with rejection as they are with the back of their eyelids.

Countless sluts, whores, and bitches have declined your requests for sex over the years. Those overwhelming upsets can guide you toward one of two outcomes. Either you withdraw into your mom's basement, never to see the outside world again. Or you become so numb to denial that you're keen to ask any old cunt out on a date. As a culture, we chose the former option, which has helped make sex a dirty word.

We are also concerned about our physical features. Does the world perceive you as hideous and unfuckable? Let me be the one to inform you if no one else has. Yes. You are entirely unfuckable, but that's alright.

I, on the otherhand, am as fuckable as they come. I have to peel bitches off my dick when I go to the grocery store. Ladies line up outside my door every day, hoping to catch a glimpse of my morning wood. It's a tough life, but I deal with it. I'm just kidding. It's fucking awesome.

But don't be discouraged. Most of the world's denizens are unfuckable. There are far more unsightly fuck tards out there than gorgeous ones. Yet, despite this, folks bone all the damn time. You can't go to the damn bank without seeing dozens of ugly motherfuckers with a wife and kids. If they can do it, so can you. Maybe. Probably not, but a man can dream, can't he?

The Power of my Penis

My job is a labor of love. I’m honored to watch smut all day long and make a few dollars off it. My cock has been a boss since birth. Despite my full agenda of constant pocket pool playing, my wang keeps returning for more.

He is my creative angel. I rely on my penis's unending understanding and exceptional judgment to direct my hands as I write these reviews for you. I’d like to take a second to acknowledge all the effort my penis puts in and compliment his ability to take brutal beating after brutal beating in the name of science.

No matter how often my rod rises like The Undertaker after a stunner, I can’t constantly be erect. Even my cock needs a rest every now and again, but that doesn't mean work stops completely. I continuously sharpen my blade to supply you, bastards, with top-notch smut reporting. Much like an athlete works out every day, I hit porn blogs like Ulmf to keep my mind focused on the task at hand during refractory periods. (pun intended)

The word weblog was created by a dude named Jorn Barger. How much do you want to gamble some geeky dipshit that invents the word weblog spends all his free time choking the chicken? The dude probably screamed out weblog for the first time as he slung ropes across his work desk. Eventually, a lazy fuck named Peter Merholz, who probably beats his meat more than Jorny, shortened weblog to blog.

The Start of an Era

While I can’t say for sure what the first porn blog was, I can say the ULMF, also known as Unofficial Line Marvel Forum, is one of the best. I wouldn't be surprised if the first porn blog was crafted by none other than Jorn and Pete. In my head, I’m picturing those two as the fat, sweaty video game guy from South Park, except instead of Warcraft, he sits around playing porn video games all day.

Cut to now, and it seems if a porn site doesn’t have an associated blog, they are behind the times. It’s not just porn nerds like myself who want to spend their downtime talking about their favorite thing to do. When you’re in the heat of a raging erection, thinking logically about your porn consumption is impossible. You can do your due diligence by researching all the best new porn sites and fleshlights in your refractory periods. If only there were a single place you could get all that information. Oh wait, you’re on it already.

Stroking to Hentai

While I focus on all porn, ULMF prefers to stick to hentai and hentai games. The design has a classic forum aesthetic. The main menu sits up top and includes the options Forums, What's new, Discord, Sex games, and Live sex games.

Down the right side is a list of the latest posts. ULMF is very active, so expect to see new posts popping up all the time. The right side also contains a few site statistics. There are thirteen thousand threads, over a million messages, and six hundred thousand members.

The center of the page is split into four sections: Main, Forum games, Most popular forums, and a thread filter. The thread filter can organize content by Latest posts, Latest threads, Hottest threads, Most viewed threads, and Latest forum news.

Some of the most popular forums on ULMF are Hentai games, Online games, Play by post, Games under construction, Everything else, Hentai, EGG vs. 2.2, H-game discussions, Translations, GM tryouts, CYOAS, Dark Gate, Archive, MnF, All women must be impregnated, Monster girl island, Frog prison role plays, Other hentai media, Mugen, and Random D and D.

Smut Selection

Let's check out some of the games you'll find on ULMF, starting with "Tokyo Necro." "Tokyo Necro" sounds more like an adventure horror game than a porn game, and in a way, it is. Adventure horror games can also be porn.

"Tokyo Necro" takes place in a future where the planet has descended into an ice age. In order to survive, Tokyo uses geothermal heating.

The main character works for The Living Dead Stalker Office. His assignment is to track down and kill deadly necromancers. During a crucial mission, he finds a fuckable and mystifying slut kidnapped by a notorious necromancer. What would such a strong wizard of death want with such a bitch?

Your job is to find out using the best tool in your armory: your cock. This cunt loves banging, and every time you make her squirt, she divulges more detail about her past and future.

The animation in this game is fantastic. Your cock will be hard and engrossed. Make sure to have a tissue ready to absorb all the jizz that will fly from your dick tip.

That brings me to "Fallen Wife Honami." The main character Kojito is a normal everyday office worker with a fairly uninteresting life. Nothing compelling happens, but he is still satisfied because of his stunning wife. They met in college and married soon after graduation.

While Kojito is proud of his wife, he has one issue. She is very sexually reserved. His wife is timid and doesn't get involved in their sex life. Instead, she lays there like a dead fish.

After an especially frustrating evening of not having great sex, Kojito complains to a coworker. The coworker empathizes with Kojito's problem and offers a solution in the form of a remarkable and potent aphrodisiac.

Will you use this aphrodisiac on your wife, and if so, what will be the consequences?

ULMF is a quality hentai game forum where you can find new games, chat with like-minded people, and discover new corners of the internet. Hopefully, those balls are full cause you're about to have a blast. (pun intended)

The only thing I would change about ULMF is to jazz up the aesthetic. It's a bit plain and boring.

It's time to load up on lube and prepare for a little solo date night with your computer. Good luck out there.

PORNDUDE LOVES

+Informative

+Large game selection

+Active members

PORNDUDE HATES

-Dull aesthetic